My Own 600-Pound Life

I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that we sometimes are our worst critics.  Not only that, I think we, as the human race, tend to question things.  I think that's our nature.  If not our nature, I think it's at least what our environment teaches us.  Take for example that people used to stop for people on the side of the road.  I know that I wouldn't do that now.  Not because that I'm not a nice person, but simply because I don't know those people and who knows whether they have a shotgun in the back of their van or not.

I don't think our weight loss journey is any different.  I think it's deeper than that, though.  For most of us who are on this journey, it's a hard and emotional place to be.  I think that if we don't lose or we don't lose what we think we should, we not only question what we did wrong, but we begin to doubt.  We begin to doubt not only what we did, but I think we begin to doubt our own selves.  I know I do.

For example, as I said last week, this is the first time on a weight loss journey that I have ever exercised for more than a week.  It's an unknown for me.  I don't know how my body responds to things and I don't know how to compensate for them.  It's an unknown variable.  Well, I lost 1 pound this week.  The same pound, mind you, that I gained last week.  So I have a big fat 0 for the past two weeks.  All the working out and following program have done absolutely nothing on the scale.

So where's the plus in this?  I honestly don't know.  I have a hard time seeing that.  The only thing that keeps me going on the exercise is I have a 5K I am training for and if I don't keep training, I won't be able to walk the whole thing with my friends.  I have to keep exercising.  The deadline for it keeps coming closer.

And if I'm going to exercise, I sure as heck am not going to eat bad.  Why would I do that to myself?  So here's having faith that my body knows what it's doing with itself and that the things I am doing are at least healthier than what I was doing before.  I am in a very dark place right now because I'm frustrated and disappointed in myself.  I have nothing to show for the last two weeks.  Hopefully I will see the results next week on the scale.

To all of those out there that are in the same boat as me, we can make it.  We know what we are doing works for us, but we just have an unknown variable.  Perhaps in a couple of weeks the storm will clear and we will see the results of our labor.  Here's hoping that's true.  Keep your chin up.  Don't be your worst critic.  Give yourself some credit for doing what you have done.

Oh, and if you have time, remind me to do the same.

So exercise has never been my friend.  Gyms have been my mortal enemy and quite frankly, I like sitting on my rear end.  My job dictates it (I'm a computer developer, so I write code all day) and I love playing video/computer games, which requires me to sit on my rear end a lot.

Well, recently, a new gym opened in our area called Planet Fitness.  This gym appeared to be different - they didn't let "lunks" in (extreme bodybuilders) and when you saw pictures of their gyms, you actually saw... wait for it... big people!  It's nice to see other people that don't necessarily fit in the healthy BMI range going to the gym.  It makes the gym a lot less initimidating.  Plus their staff are amazing there.  They really care about people and they are there to help you.

So, happy that I found a gym that I could work out at (and that has amazing massage beds!), I went three times last week.  That is amazing for me considering I haven't even walked more than to go to my car to get some fast food in probably the last 4 years.  Not only did I go, I pushed myself hard at the gym.  For most of you, what I did would be a drop in the bucket, but since I weigh over 560 pounds still, the routine I did really kicked my butt.

I felt amazing.  I was ready to see a 5 pound loss at Weight Watchers yesterday and I was all stoked and ready to tell everyone how I did it.  I stepped on the scale and it hit me.  I had gained 1 pound.  WHAT?  I wasn't sure for the whole meeting whether I wanted to cry or pound my fist into the scale.  I was furious and upset all at the same time.  Even my wife, who can normally calm me down could not say anything that would make me OK with what had just happened.  The whole day was ruined.  I swore that if I didn't lose weight next week, that I was going to quit all together.  I wasn't going to kick my butt at the gym and then come and gain pounds.  I have over 400 pounds to lose!  I'm not about to go the wrong way!

So, this morning, I was a lot calmer and in fact, my gym bag is waiting in my car for the workout that I will be going to this evening after work.  So, I decided to do a little Googling and came across this article.  I read through it and I found myself getting happier each paragraph I read.  Wait - weight gain is normal after starting an exercise program?  Holy crap!  That's amazing news.  I think I did a little happy jig in my chair after I read that article.  It explained to me why my hard work was not showing on the scale!

My point in explaining this is that sometimes hard work will not show immediately.  Just as much as anyone else, I need to remember that this is a long-term solution and we won't always see the numbers on the scale.  However, we are making choices that will hopefully last a lifetime and going to the gym is a reality of most skinny people.  Since most of us are on our weight loss journeys to become skinnier, healthier people, we have to make the gym a part of our lives and we can't be scared when that number on the scale doesn't show like we wanted it to.

It's hard to feel that way because I still wanted to see that number, but I worked out, I pushed myself and I am healthier because of it.  So, NSV for me!  If you are in the same boat as I am, keep on trucking.  It will get better and I hope that next week, my blog post to you will be that I lost an amazing number even while exercising the whole week.  Keep those chins up, folks!  We can do this!

Sometimes we look at our journey and wonder why we're even bothering to do it.  For me, personally, I have over 400 pounds to lose and that is a daunting task.  Why do I want to keep on doing something that doesn't follow with what my body has been used to for the past 20 years?  Why do I want to do something that is going to get rid of one of the best coping mechanisms out on the market right now - food?

That's when we have to deploy our "anchors".  We each have things that we hold on to that keep us going in our journey.  Whether it be the fact that you have a wedding you have to get skinny for or that summer bikini you want to wear - we each have our own anchor that holds us in place.

Mine personally is the praise of others.  This sounds a little conceited, but I don't mean I want everyone to be like "oh - you're getting so skinny!"  That's not the point.  I have a few close friends and family that I care about what they think.  When I hear, "wow you're looking good" from them, I feel amazing.  I feel like this is worth doing.  My other secondary anchor is my health.  Even though I've avoided diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I now have weeping leg edema that just will not quit.  While this isn't necessarily a good anchor, it does remind me on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis as to why I am doing this.

Find that thing that keeps you going and hold on to it.  Keep it in your mind at all times.  If it's a picture, put it in your wallet or purse.  If it's the praise of others, just remember what they say when you feel like eating that extra cheeseburger.  You can do this and you have your anchor to help you.